Post-Christmas Cheer

Holiday is done and over with. Got one or two things from my family, which is alright with me... But my mood hasn't gotten any better. I've fallen off the knife's edge and now I'm falling.

I get headaches I don't know where they come from but its really short, and really sharp, and then it passes. Like a small spasm in the back or front or sides its really isolated to one part but as quick as it comes and hits me it goes and leaves me. I feel like I'm falling apart sometimes... as if more and more parts of my body are decaying away some slowly, some quickly... I'm not healthy...

I don't know when I was...

I don't know how long its been since I was what a doctor 'should' say is perfect health. I get checked now and the doc looks at me and tells me I'm right as rain, but I feel more like I'm dying away on the inside and my body is doing all it can to look as fine as possible on the outside.

The hand heals as the heart bleeds...

It feels as if its trying to power a small country, my heart beats erratically fast. I can feel it sometimes when I sit still and listen to it, at my most relaxed states it still beats as if I were running a marathon. I get so tired all the time and People think I'm just thinking too much if I say what I feel is wrong with me, so I just let it sit, and burn. Sometimes the only way to prove another wrong is if I am dead and the no longer have me around to argue the possibility.